Why do I feel bad when I don't give money to bums

Yesterday as I was leaving Walgreens, I was approached by a homeless man who was selling one of those newspapers that homeless people distribute. I have no idea who thought that this was a good way to empower the homeless. But anyway, I told the man that I was sorry, but I didn't have any change for him (which was a lie), and started walking away. At that point, an amazing guilt started to come over me. I live so comfortably, but this man clearly doesn't. A lot of homeless people are in their dire straits because of mental illness, or a difficult financial situation. At the same time, it's not like I can help everyone. Why do I have to feel guilty for walking past a homeless man without giving a handout? Everyone else does it.

Well, needless to say, my conscience eventually got the best of me, and I went back to give the homeless man some money. Since I was feeling guilty from my internal debate, I gave the man a whole dollar instead of just some change.

When I finally got home I was sad to see that I must have had a hard time seeing in the dark, because I had actually gave the man a hundred dollar bill! I guess I'll be eating canned soup the next few nights.

Do people care about life?

Today as I was driving home, I went to make an unprotected left turn. I didn't see somebody coming straight, and I accidentally went in front of another car. Now I didn't cut him off or anything, but I should have definitely waited just to be on the safe side. If you were a sane human being, you'd expect that the other person would slow a little to likewise make sure that there's not an accident. You know what he did instead? He guns it! He's not going slower, he's actually going faster! And the whole time he's glaring at me with a look in his eye like, "If I hit you, I guess it's your fault, because you went when you shouldn't have!"

What makes a person want to do this? Do people have any consideration for one another at all? I try to resist Aaron's cynical point-of-view, but at times like this I can't help to think that maybe the human race is just fundamentally defective.

Dreams within dreams within dreams

Yesterday Aaron was mentioning dreams, and this got me to thinking, have you ever had a dream within a dream? What's creepy about this idea is that within the first dream you realize that the second dream is not real, and you feel with certainty that that first dream is reality. It's only when you wake up from the first dream that you realize that both dreams where fake. But that same certainty is what you felt when you were actually in the first dream! Why does our brain play tricks on us like this?

What I've never had, as far as I know, is a dream within a dream within a dream. Have you? It seems like at some point it would get so complicated, you might not know which dream you're really in. For example, you could start in dream one, then fall asleep and go to dream two, fall asleep again and go to dream three, wake up and go to dream two, and then wake up for "real," and not ever realize that you never passed through dream one again. Weird!

Nose not feeling too well

Well, I fell for one of Alp's inventions again. Now my nose is not feeling too well. Do you remember those old comics when Opus would have accidents shaving? Just imagine that times ten. Thank goodness they have Photoshop to edit how I look.

I know it's two weeks into January, but I've decided to make a New Year's resolution. I won't be Alp's guinea pig anymore. That's it. It stops here. He'll have to find someone else to do his experiments on.

Maybe that's the benefit of doing this in a blog. You see, if I just told this to myself, then I'd probably break my resolution right away. But now, with all you readers following me, I have people to hold me accountable. Not only do I disappoint myself, but I let all of you down as well. That's a great way to motivate me to keep my resolution. That's perfectly healthy, right?

I can't believe I'm doing this

Well, here goes nothing. I really don't know why I'm doing this. Aaron said it would be cathartic. I'm not sure. What if my Mom reads it? (Why do I worry about this? She doesn't even know you can access the Internet without AOL.)

This will be my place to share my thoughts about life. To work through conflicts and troubles I have. Maybe by seeing me work through these things myself, others will also be motivated to do the same for their lives. I know, wishful thinking, huh?

Okay, I think that's enough for my first post. I hear Alp calling. I hope he's not planning on having me test his new, spiffy nose hair shaver.